Heartbreak makes you wiser. The kindness you spread, keep returning to you. Here's to you and here's to me, Friends may we always be! Happy Birthday. To us, for this is the youngest well ever be and the oldest weve been. Everyone else: . This little refrain Should help to explain Why its better to order a beer. I'll drink to the Girls who do! A well-delivered toast can mean the difference between a good night and a great night. Be warned, though: a few may not be suitable for all audiences, so choose wisely. In a bookshop, Temple Bar district. As one of the most brilliant minds once said, Stay hungry. Bartender says, Off the wagon again?, 59.) May we all have the chance to prove that money cant make us happy. Heres to stealing, cheating and lying: may you steal someones heart, cheat death, and lie with your love. So lets get wasted all of the time, and have the time of our life. Lets drink two and see where it goes. -Han Solo, 2. 2.) Thank you for reading Funny Drinking Jokes. Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker. 9. Here is to good luck. When Whiskey met Cognac at the mixer it was clear their relationship was on the rocks. And love is good, and life is long, and friends are best together. 76.) Its ok if you sometimes find no better reasons for drinking. If youre nervous about meeting new people, a funny toast can help put everyone at ease. a Air Force Pilot bawdy recitation (can be found on "A Night At To every lovable girl in the land, I offer this little libation. Theyre complimentary!, 53.) Are you looking for funny toasts? "Life is a waste of time. 83.) One bottle for four of us, Thank God there's no more of us! Heres to the man who takes the pledge Who keeps his word and does not hedge Who wont give up and wont give in Till the last mans out and theres no more gin. Tequila is a good drink: you drink it and you feel like a cactus; the only problem is that in the morning the thorns grow inward. 63.) "Here's health to those I love and wealth to those who love me." "Be the change you wish to see in the world." Gandhi. Here's an Irish toast to your wedding: May the roof over your heads be as well thatched As those inside are well matched. To Hell. Heres to hell. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. I used to know a clever toast But now I cannot think of it. Heres to the women who love me terribly. The best ships are friendships and to those, we drink. My friend fell asleep in the bar, so I poured my ale on him to wake him up. Heres to doing and drinking, not sitting and thinking. Best. 12.) And vodka makes you not remember any of that. Luckily, I woke up, and I see that the world is just as it should be. Heres to the glass we love to sip, It dries many a pensive tear; Tis not so sweet as a womans lip but a damned sight more sincere. As Bill and Ted once said: Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes.'. ".here's to maintaining proper Ph Levels in our vaginas, yeast infections!" 2. freshcutgrass 10 yr. ago. Heres to a long life and a merry one, a quick ending and a happy one, a good girl and a pretty one, a cold bottle and another one. 1.) When I let them, I loose them. One cant deny that English folks are hyped by their breakfast. 29. Heres to the heat. I drank to your health in company. 90.) Here's to doing and drinking, not sitting and thinking. Everything for planning your trip or vacation at one place! May we be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows were dead. To the rapturous, wild, and ineffable pleasure Of drinking at somebody elses expense. To those that wish us well; the rest can go to hell. "May we generally be happy, generally be witty, generally be honest, but above all always be interesting.". 3.) Guy in bar: Have you got anything to drink?Bartender: Water.Guy in bar: I meant something harder?Bartender: Ice.. "If I should stumble out of this bar, I pray this night is worth the scar!" 20. Few of us want to hear a long boring toast. Heres to the nights well never remember with our friends, well never forget. Heres to a man after my own heart. And damn your souls, Ill drink it. 2. Take everything in moderation including moderation. Therefore beer is salad. drink to the liberation of women and bigger and better orgasms. Others are long but great drinking toasts perfect for telling your closest friends. 26.) Whether youre celebrating a special occasion or just having a few drinks with friends, these toasts can help make the experience more enjoyable. Heres to the women who love me terribly. 27.) But wheres the fun in that? I used to know a clever toast, but now I cannot think of it. "Have you been drinking, Father?" asks the Garda. Time is a waste of life. May all your ups and downs be between the sheets. He says, youve got a great place, but my buddy was here last night, and he said you have golden urinals. Check out our collection of 100+ party games for all ages! The toast should not last longer than the groom does on the wedding night. It's time for a toast. 21. To the three rings of marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. The first draught a man drinks is for thirst. He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. Over the teeth and over the gums. 6. 20. Drink to life and the passing show And the eyes of the prettiest girl you know. She steals all your money and drinks all your booze. If drinking beer, Could bring her back here, I'd drink the damn place dry, Yes, I'd drink the damn place dry! I dreamed that some psychopath was trying to break the two of you up. Ive lost three days already. Happy birthday, darling! I decide which wine to drink on a case-by-case basis. The past wont mind. Use. May all your troubles during the coming year be as short as your New Year's resolutions. To our health: May we all live to be as old as my jokes. 8. May our hearts remain as cool as this champagne. -Maurice Chevalier, Related: Funny and Clever Acronyms to Make You Laugh. Toasts Quotes. And mine is the last voice you hear. Two beer or not two beer, thats the question! William Shakesbeer. To the new couple: Never sweat the petty things, but always pet the sweaty things. Heres to your good health. Suggested read: Top 5 Halloween Games for Adults. Heartbreak makes you wiser. When we drink, we get drunk. May the roof over your head be always strong. JOGOS DE HOJE. 16. The bartender said Sorry sir, we dont serve spirits here!, 49.) And he adds much to my life,He buys me every thing I want All glasses off the table! So lets all get drunk and go to heaven. So, always toast with the audience in mind and, if in doubt, leave it out. The priest rolls down the window and a strong smell of wine wafts out. You may not be as wise as an owl, but youre always a hoot. What is the definition of a balanced diet? Ha-Ha; May you die in bed at 95 years, shot by a jealous wife (husband)! The only toast we do is our drinking song. 6. May you live to be as old as your jokes. 37.) The first draught a man drinks is for thirst, The second for nourishment, The third for pleasure and the fourth for madness. 6. Some ships are wooden ships. AG. Here's to you here's to me, may we never disagree. 14. May the mist of Irish magic shorten every road. 68.) I drank to your health so many times.I nearly ruined my own." Heres to the women who have used and abused us. 11. 86.) After all, advancing birthdays are much better than the alternative. 10. May ours be just as memorable. No kidding, whos happy when their beer is empty? No matter how hard the past, you can always begin again. Heres a toast to the most wonderful person I have ever met. Take this fun personality quiz and find out now! But those ships may sink. Heres to wine, wit, and wisdom. May our penises always be harder than our lives. If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and drink myself up. I drank to your health in company. May you never meet her daughter, Miss Fortune. 18. No charge!, 44.) Heres to taking everything in moderation, including moderation. 30.) 4. If you Drink, may you drink with me. If you have a bawdy or erotic toast, please send it to me at . How does a man show that he is planning for the future? Pigs dont turn into men when they drink. I found a message in a bottle. So lets get wasted all of the time and have the time of our life. They would clink their glasses before drinking mead to show that they were not poisoning each other. "I can smell wine, Father," said the Garda. I drank to your health so many times I nearly ruined my own. If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, does drinking fanta make you fantastic? Writers block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.Steve Martin, The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.Humphrey Bogart, Beer is made by men, wine by God.Martin Luther, I distrust camels and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.Joe E. Ellis, Never underestimate how much assistance, how much satisfaction, how much comfort, how much soul and transcendence there might be in a well-made taco and a cold bottle of beer.Tom Robbins, Work is the curse of the drinking classes.Oscar Wilde, I am a firm believer in the people. May you never meet her daughter, Miss Fortune. We have prepared for you a huge collection of toasts divided into several categories: unique, creative, clever, inspirational, positive, happy, and more. May the winds of fortune sail you, May you sail a gentle sea. When researching what makes a great best man toast, one piece of advice really stuck out. A skeleton walks into a bar and says, Id like a beer and a mop., 54.) The third is for pleasure, and the fourth is for madness. 82.) "Except me mammy, of course!" "Well then," says Seamus. When I meet them, I like them. Went to an Abba-themed pub, the toilets were amazing.What a loo! Life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life. #6. Here's to milk, eggs, bread, and cinnamon. 34. - Stephen King. Awesome Alcohol Quotes and Sayings "Alcohol You Later." "Trust me You can Dance - Alcohol" "If life gives you lemons, Add VODKA." "I followed my heart & It led me to ALCOHOL." "Step Aside COFFEE This is a Job for ALCOHOL" "Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness." Seneca May you live to be as old as your jokes. A neutron walks into a bar and asks, how much for a beer? The bartender replies, for you? All rights reserved. 12. Happy birthday to you for years to come. I had the strangest dream. 3. May you die in bed at 95 years, Shot by a jealous wife. Heres to staying positive and testing negative. Id like to say a little prayer for world peace. -Phil Connors. Another theory suggests that cheering originated to ward off evil spirits before consuming. Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy. 87.) May the winds of fortune sail you, May you sail a gentle sea, may it always be the other guy who says: This drinks on me., Heres to the girls who do And heres to the girls who dont And heres to the girls who say they never will, But when the time comes, wont. In ancient Greece, cheersing while drinking has been an important tradition. 47.) But a whiskey glass and a fat girls ass are home sweet home to me. Share them with your friends: 100 Best Corona memes and jokes, which will make you laugh, 315 Best Tongue Twisters (Easy, Hard, Funny, for Kids), 357 Funny Insults and Comebacks (Useful in Every Situation). 75.) http://davidlawmusic.com/blog/2013/9/27/collection-of-drinking-toasts Let us have a toast to one of the best men I have enjoyed getting to know. Heres to staying positive and testing negative. Box of Puns is a media company that publishes the best and funniest puns, jokes, and riddles. May the sun shine warm upon your face, and the rains fall soft upon your fields. Heres looking at you, although heaven knows it takes all of my efforts. That's why she has us as friends. 3. May we be in heaven half an hour before the Devil knows were dead! Heres to Dame Fortune. I raise my head in agreement. But the oceans not beer, and Im not a duck. Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game! Life's a waste of time and time's a waste of life. The past won't mind. Drink to life and the passing show and the eyes of the prettiest girl you know. A mans wife has more power over him than the state has. May the face of every good news And the back of every bad news Be towards us. Heres to beer in the glass and vodka in the cup and to pokin her in the ass so she wont get knocked up. But now I cannot think about it. 67.) I never know whether to pity or congratulate a man on coming to his senses. Happy birthday! I drank to your health in company, I drank to your health alone, I drank to your health so many times, I nearly ruined my own. 1. So, lets drink these pints and get messed up. BloonWars 10 yr. ago. It is customary to take a sip of your drink when someone toasts you. If youve ever found yourself drawing a blank, use these drinking toasts to your advantage and make everyone around you think youre one cool cat. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks, and the woman listens. Here are some funny drinking toasts to make birthdays more special and induce gales of laughter. May they never meet." 3. An Irish Toast for a Bachelor. Now lets get to drinking! The past is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift because its the present. 9. Look at it as halfway to your next beer. A toast to all the champagne we'll drink tonight, and all the coffee we'll drink tomorrow. Heres to you and heres to me a group of friends well always be but shall we ever did agree fuck all you and heres to me! But a whiskey glass and a fat girls ass are home sweet home to me. Of all my favorite things to do, The utmost is to have a brew. Don't think there are no second chances. Heres to alcohol, which often makes one see double and feel single. May we never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten. 29.) Heres to marriage. Heres to swimmin with bowlegged women. May the stay there be as enjoyable as the way there. 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